Finding Truth in Darkness
We all have stories that constantly play through our minds; whether they are conscious or unconscious, they are there. They've been programmed into our brains by our parents, our friends, the society that we live in. Typically, they are there to keep us small, to keep us safe. While that's all fine and dandy, they also shield us from our greatness, from our truth.
The thing about truth is that once you've seen it, you can't unsee it. You can ignore it and pretend it's not there, but it will slowly slowly surface. You'll just know it and feel it in your being. Something might feel off or wrong or out of place in ways that it never did before.
Last night, I felt like a stranger in my body. I was triggered by the person that I thought I had to be to fit in. I was triggered by the story playing in my head that I'm not good enough, that I don't deserve love, that I don't deserve to be included.
I was triggered by the story that I will always be a loser and I don't deserve to win. Even when I do win, I'm still losing; if there's not perfection, then there's nothing.
I started to feel small and boxed in by the situation, by my feelings, by the voices in my head and the storylines I'd been programmed to believe over the years. I started to feel like I was nothing.
In this darkness, I had to consciously search for the light. I knew that it wasn't my truth. Even though it all felt so heavy, I had to dig my way out. "As if you don't remember, as if you can't forget..." We can't forget our truth. It's there. Sometimes we just have to search harder. We have to remind ourselves of that one time when we stood in front of a room and felt seen. We have to remind ourselves of that time we had the hard conversation that needed to happen and the weight was lifted because we spoke only our truth. We have to remind ourselves of that time we stepped outside to feel the rays of sunshine and became engulfed in the bliss of the light.
Your truth is ever present. You just have to open your eyes and see it. You just have to open your heart and feel it. <3